When my daughter turned 11 last October, we presented her with a 'big girl' new system for money. I got this idea from a fantastic book called "The Entitlement Trap". Read this book - it has such awesome, wise ideas about getting rid of that sense of entitlement that so many kids have.
So, our new system was this.
We talked to her about how she's getting older and can handle more responsibility.
We told her that there were some exciting changes for her when she turned 11.
We told her that she will be able to be more in charge of what she wants to buy and she will have her own money.
She was excited.
We told her that from the time that she turned 11 years old, we will no longer pay for certain things. Extras. Luxuries. Things she wants but doesn't need.
For example:
We WILL pay for shoes and boots and outdoor clothing.
We WON'T pay for extra shoes/boots and outdoor clothing, if she has what she needs already, and just wants an extra, really cool new jacket or pair of expensive boots.
We WILL pay for birthday/Christmas/Easter presents (for her).
We WON'T pay for anything she wants to buy for her friends, including birthdays and Christmas.
We WILL pay for school supplies and any other fees for school.
We WON'T pay for Scholastic items that she wants or hot lunches.
We WILL once in a while, still take her out for a snack, drink, or meal, just as anyone would.
She WON'T be able to ASK us to take her out for something to eat.
We WILL pay for books.
We WON'T pay for toys.
The exciting part is that SHE gets to have her own money to buy the things she wants, when she wants them, and without having to come to us to ask for things.
Do you see how it works?
Okay, where does she get the money to buy any of these things that she wants?
Well, she has a paper route, and of course, gets money for birthday and Christmas, and she can also sell some of her own things at a garage sale when we have one.
But if she didn't, "The Entitlement Trap" discusses a fantastic points system where she would earn points by doing certain tasks each day (morning duties, homework, cleaning an area of the house, bedtime duties, etc.) and once a week, she would earn a pre-determined amount of money. The amount directly relates to the amount of points she has earned because of the work she has done.
So she has this newfound sense of freedom (which all tweens need) and responsibility. She now has the freedom to buy what she wants to buy. Of course, there still the same rules as there have always been. She knows that she cannot buy something like a new pet. She cannot buy something that isn't allowed, like something violent (not that she would want to). And she also knows that even though she buys something, doesn't mean she can use/eat it whenever she wants to. For example, if she decided to buy 2 packages of chocolate cookies (this is a real example - she has done that a few times - she just LOVES the freedom to be able to buy her own food), she still won't be allowed to eat a whole package at once, or to eat a bunch of those cookies right before dinner or right before bedtime. The same house rules still apply.
This system also gives a sense of ownership. When a child has bought their own item with their own money, they realize how much work it took to get that money, and they have a more realistic sense of value for that item.
With this system, it has been amazing how well it has worked so far.
I've heard comments around the house like, "Hey, that cost me a lot of money, I don't want to get it ruined - be careful!"
"Hey, I just swept those stairs! Take your shoes off!"
"Mommy, I want to take you out to Tim Horton's - I'll pay."
"I shouldn't have spent that much money on this new phone case. I regret it."
Also, when she has an item in mind that she wants but it costs more than what she has, she will now automatically say, "I need to save for that." She'll add up paychecks in her head to figure out how long it will take her to save.
Another VERY important part of this system is NO BORROWING.
None.
At all.
That means when your child is at a store with you and sees something they like and want to buy, but forgot their money at home, you say, "Aw, I've forgotten my money at home sometimes too." They'll either have to give up on that item or go home and get their money. You CANNOT lend it to them.
Why not, you ask?
Because that is the beginning of teaching them that it is okay to spend money you don't have, and pay it back later. Borrowing. Credit.
I don't know about you, but I don't want my daughter to learn at an early age that borrowing is okay...and then one day when she's older she'll already be in debit like so many people.
We're very strict about this one. Even if her money is in the car, she has to go back to the car and grab it - I WON'T pay for her. The only exception is with a garage sale or thrift store. These are places where, if you see something today, it won't be there tomorrow. So I'll sometimes buy an item I know she might like for her friend's birthday or something, and she won't get it until she pays me for it. I don't treat it as borrowing - we call it my "store".
This system has worked so well, that shortly after we began it, a friend invited us out for lunch. He said, "Do you want to go for lunch at *****, my treat?" I accepted the invitation, thanked him, and as Jaymi and I were walking back to the car, I said to her, "That was so nice of him. Do you realize what 'my treat' means?" She said no and I told her. With a sigh of relief, she said, "Do you mean I don't have to pay for my meal? Yay!" I smiled, realizing that she had thought she would pay for herself!
Right now with this system, our rule is that she has to tithe to the church 5% of everything she earns, and the rest, she can do whatever she wants with.
When she turns 12 in October, the tithing amount goes up to 10% and we will be choosing a monthly amount to save. We allowed her to go a full year without enforcing any saving, waiting to see if she chose to save or not. She hasn't. She loves to shop and spend. So saving is something we're going to enforce in order to teach her what it's like.
It will be tough. She says, I KNOW how to save, I just don't like doing it!"
;)
So, our new system was this.
We talked to her about how she's getting older and can handle more responsibility.
We told her that there were some exciting changes for her when she turned 11.
We told her that she will be able to be more in charge of what she wants to buy and she will have her own money.
She was excited.
We told her that from the time that she turned 11 years old, we will no longer pay for certain things. Extras. Luxuries. Things she wants but doesn't need.
For example:
We WILL pay for shoes and boots and outdoor clothing.
We WON'T pay for extra shoes/boots and outdoor clothing, if she has what she needs already, and just wants an extra, really cool new jacket or pair of expensive boots.
We WILL pay for birthday/Christmas/Easter presents (for her).
We WON'T pay for anything she wants to buy for her friends, including birthdays and Christmas.
We WILL pay for school supplies and any other fees for school.
We WON'T pay for Scholastic items that she wants or hot lunches.
We WILL once in a while, still take her out for a snack, drink, or meal, just as anyone would.
She WON'T be able to ASK us to take her out for something to eat.
We WILL pay for books.
We WON'T pay for toys.
The exciting part is that SHE gets to have her own money to buy the things she wants, when she wants them, and without having to come to us to ask for things.
Do you see how it works?
Okay, where does she get the money to buy any of these things that she wants?
Well, she has a paper route, and of course, gets money for birthday and Christmas, and she can also sell some of her own things at a garage sale when we have one.
But if she didn't, "The Entitlement Trap" discusses a fantastic points system where she would earn points by doing certain tasks each day (morning duties, homework, cleaning an area of the house, bedtime duties, etc.) and once a week, she would earn a pre-determined amount of money. The amount directly relates to the amount of points she has earned because of the work she has done.
So she has this newfound sense of freedom (which all tweens need) and responsibility. She now has the freedom to buy what she wants to buy. Of course, there still the same rules as there have always been. She knows that she cannot buy something like a new pet. She cannot buy something that isn't allowed, like something violent (not that she would want to). And she also knows that even though she buys something, doesn't mean she can use/eat it whenever she wants to. For example, if she decided to buy 2 packages of chocolate cookies (this is a real example - she has done that a few times - she just LOVES the freedom to be able to buy her own food), she still won't be allowed to eat a whole package at once, or to eat a bunch of those cookies right before dinner or right before bedtime. The same house rules still apply.
This system also gives a sense of ownership. When a child has bought their own item with their own money, they realize how much work it took to get that money, and they have a more realistic sense of value for that item.
With this system, it has been amazing how well it has worked so far.
I've heard comments around the house like, "Hey, that cost me a lot of money, I don't want to get it ruined - be careful!"
"Hey, I just swept those stairs! Take your shoes off!"
"Mommy, I want to take you out to Tim Horton's - I'll pay."
"I shouldn't have spent that much money on this new phone case. I regret it."
Also, when she has an item in mind that she wants but it costs more than what she has, she will now automatically say, "I need to save for that." She'll add up paychecks in her head to figure out how long it will take her to save.
Another VERY important part of this system is NO BORROWING.
None.
At all.
That means when your child is at a store with you and sees something they like and want to buy, but forgot their money at home, you say, "Aw, I've forgotten my money at home sometimes too." They'll either have to give up on that item or go home and get their money. You CANNOT lend it to them.
Why not, you ask?
Because that is the beginning of teaching them that it is okay to spend money you don't have, and pay it back later. Borrowing. Credit.
I don't know about you, but I don't want my daughter to learn at an early age that borrowing is okay...and then one day when she's older she'll already be in debit like so many people.
We're very strict about this one. Even if her money is in the car, she has to go back to the car and grab it - I WON'T pay for her. The only exception is with a garage sale or thrift store. These are places where, if you see something today, it won't be there tomorrow. So I'll sometimes buy an item I know she might like for her friend's birthday or something, and she won't get it until she pays me for it. I don't treat it as borrowing - we call it my "store".
This system has worked so well, that shortly after we began it, a friend invited us out for lunch. He said, "Do you want to go for lunch at *****, my treat?" I accepted the invitation, thanked him, and as Jaymi and I were walking back to the car, I said to her, "That was so nice of him. Do you realize what 'my treat' means?" She said no and I told her. With a sigh of relief, she said, "Do you mean I don't have to pay for my meal? Yay!" I smiled, realizing that she had thought she would pay for herself!
Right now with this system, our rule is that she has to tithe to the church 5% of everything she earns, and the rest, she can do whatever she wants with.
When she turns 12 in October, the tithing amount goes up to 10% and we will be choosing a monthly amount to save. We allowed her to go a full year without enforcing any saving, waiting to see if she chose to save or not. She hasn't. She loves to shop and spend. So saving is something we're going to enforce in order to teach her what it's like.
It will be tough. She says, I KNOW how to save, I just don't like doing it!"
;)